Crossing Borders, Not Boundaries
Between one and three percent of the world's population is living and working outside their home countries. Moving to a new job in a new country offers opportunities for learning a new place, a new language and a new culture. When crossing a new border to your new life, remember to keep your eyes open for hidden boundaries you should not cross.
Boundaries are different in different cultures, and can show up in unexpected places. Physical boundaries, professional boundaries, and social boundaries -- all are likely to be different wherever you are going than wherever you are coming from. To add to the complexity, the lenses through which people view these boundaries, gender, age, religious custom, may make things less clear. It’s important to keep in mind that there will be some similarities between your new country and your home country and it will be important to draw on those when building relationships. While you do that, here are some ways to anticipate the spots where boundaries may be different.
Physical boundaries – While this is the most visibly awkward kind of boundary to cross, it’s also the easiest to avoid. You can see what’s happening in real time and deal with it accordingly. The general rule: keep your hands to yourself and don’t get too close. The main times we confront physical boundaries are in greeting people and in the physical space we require when talking with people.
Greeting: If you are someplace where people greet by kissing or someplace where shaking hands may not be acceptable if you’re not of the same sex, just wait and let the other person do what they are comfortable with. If they are local, it will probably be the prevailing custom. As long as it’s not too much touching for you, go with it. If it is too much for you, politely do something you are comfortable with. If you see them coming in with the kiss, put your hand out for them to shake. If you don’t want to shake hands, you can put your hand on your heart instead. Your facial expression will show that you are happy to greet them in your way.
Physical Space: Have you ever seen two people talking and one keeps backing up to allow more space and the other keeps advancing? It’s funny to watch, but you don’t want to be the one getting too close. Stand a bit farther away than you are used to. If a person adjusts where they are standing, closer or farther away, let them stay there, as long as it’s not too close for you.
Professional boundaries – Is it appropriate to disagree with your boss? ..to ask a colleague for a favor? ..to hole up in your cubicle when you’re busy? These questions are difficult, and you won’t know right away, or maybe ever, if you are getting it wrong. The main factors that affect professional boundaries are power distance, whether rules are seen as hard and fast or flexible, and whether people are more pulled by social obligations or work obligations.
If you come from a place where power distance is great, it might be challenging for you to share feedback with your boss. If you're used to speaking your mind, you may seem disrespectful in your new place.
If you ask a colleague in a place where rules are hard and fast to bend the rule for you, you may be putting her in a very difficult position. In a place where rules are seen as flexible, not bending the rule can be seen as very rigid.
Going straight to your desk rather than engaging in greetings or selecting people for a team based on skills rather than familiarity may be seen as anti-social in places where social obligations are of greater importance. In places where work obligations come first, greeting everyone in the morning may be seen as wasting time, and if work isn’t assigned based on skill/merit it will be seen as “playing favorites.”
Social boundaries – Even trickier than professional boundaries, social boundaries can get you in a bit more trouble.
Social vs. Work time - In some cultures, you can work with the same people for a decade and never go to their homes or meet their families. They are “work friends.” You are friendly at work, and maybe have lunch or a drink together with other “work friends” but generally don’t see each other outside of work. This separation may seem unfriendly to people from a culture where the line between work and personal relationships is blurrier. In a place with clear boundaries, people may feel annoyed by a call from a “work friend” on Saturday night or by a social phone call during the work day, where in a place where the boundaries aren’t so clear, it’s expected.
Smiles – An American friend of mine was told that the reason she attracted unwanted attention was because she “smiled too much.” In some cultures a smile means average friendly, in some it’s an invitation, and in other cultures it means you’re not very bright. It’s hard to control when you smile, especially if you were brought up someplace where the more you do it the friendlier you are. But knowing that a smile can be perceived in different ways will help you deal with whatever comes next.
“Friendship” - In some cultures, people seem friendly, and may even say things like “we should get together sometime,” but they don’t expect or want you to follow up. Friendship boundaries are especially tricky if the person thinks you might have a romantic interest in them, especially if you are a man interacting with a woman. Things that may be completely normal where you’re from may seem stalkerish somewhere else. This kind of intercultural information is hard to find in advance. You may just have take things slow and see how things work in your new home country.
What do you do with this information? First, don’t freak out!
The best way to approach all of these boundaries is with two things in mind:
You will make mistakes. Get used to the idea.
Most people, especially at your workplace, want to be supportive and welcoming and will help if you ask.
There are some things you can do to prepare. Search for whatever information you can find on doing business in your new home city/country. You may be able to find information about physical boundaries and maybe even some information to help you with professional boundaries. Check expatriate networks in your home city -- someone from your new home may be willing to answer your questions. Make sure to ask about cultural similarities too – after all, we are all people and share more than we differ. At the very least, a guidebook will have some information and possibly a guide on doing business in your new home.
Once you take off for your new city, the most important thing will be to keep your eyes, ears and mind open so you can recognize how things are done. If there is an orientation at your workplace, make use of it – ask questions. If you have an office-mate, teammate, roommate, they are a resource - use them. They know you are new and will be motivated to help you. If none of these things/people are available, you can ask your colleagues -- “Do people from the office get together outside of work here?” “What’s the best way to follow up on this invitation?” Or, “Is it weird to...?” These are all things you can do before you are presented with a boundary-bending situation. If you end up in a situation and don’t know what to do, let others lead, and let them know when you have questions or feel uncomfortable. Above all, be yourself. People will appreciate that you are new and want to learn.
Crossing borders for a job, studies, or any reason presents a wide array of opportunities and benefits, so don’t hesitate to soak up all you can. Remembering where there may be hidden boundaries helps you navigate your new world. Safe travels and happy landings!